I’m Engaged to the Love of my Life & Scared Shitless

I’m going to keep it really real.

Engagement is hard.

Now I know this is not something I am supposed to be saying.

“You think it’s hard now!? This is the fun part! Just wait!!” And I agree, this is the fun part but it is also the hard part.

Underneath the stacks of wedding magazines and between the endless Pinterest scrolling, we are two different people attempting to build a life together from the ground up and that is challenging and scary and exciting all at the same time.

For me, I am trying to navigate the waves of emotions of leaving my home and family for the first time in my life, and I really do mean in my life. Yeah, I was that girl that cried at your sleepover because I wanted to go home.

The best way for me to describe the feeling and the only way I have really come to try and understand my emotions is to compare them to death.

Yup, I said death when describing my engagement.

It feels as though I am going through a phase of mourning the only life I have known, my childhood for the most part. Big family dinners every weekend, coming home and watching Survivor on Wednesday nights, Dad’s french toast on Saturday mornings. Yes these things will all be a part of my life still and we can carry them over into our home, but I am still sad.

There is not one doubt in my mind that God created Desi to be my husband and that God created me to be his wife. I am confident in that. I am so excited to build a meaningful life by his side, but friends, change is really hard. And I don’t understand why people are so afraid to talk about their fears and anxiety during this engagement period. It is no longer a little girl fairy tale fantasy, this is real and there are real emotions that come with this fairy tale. Hello… Cinderella bolted and lost her shoe the second she realized she might ACTUALLY like Prince Charming, she wasn’t so sure she was ready to swap her apron for a tiara just yet.

I have always vowed to keep my blog completely open and honest so that we don’t have to feel alone while trying to follow and trust God’s plan for our lives.

So here it is, I am engaged to the love of my life, and I am scared shitless.

I would love to hear your stories of times of stress during your engagement and in your relationship, I know I am not the only one. And if I am the only one, so be it — I really am as nuts as I thought I was.

Now, this bride to be has a wedding to go plan, and she is so ready.